Shadows on the Wall

Fic: Longest. Day. Ever.

2009-09-24T00:47:21Z

It's my posting day at Fall for S/X! I've just posted my story:

Longest. Day. Ever.

Rating: Mature
Pairing: Spike/Xander
Length: 14,000 words
Summary: I play with the Groundhog Day trope. Spike and Xander live with the consequences.
Disclaimer: They aren't mine, and I'm not making any money.

What with having a toddler and working overtime and all, this is the only complete story I've written this year. I actually wrote it over the summer and then held onto it until now so that I'd have something for Fall for S/X. Now I'm nervous as hell—I hope it's well-received!

Delicious bookmarking etiquette question.

2009-09-09T01:46:34Z

In my latest attempt to efficiently keep track of good stuff I've read, I've just started up a Delicious account. (At http://delicious.com/shadow.fic, because "shadowscast" was already taken, can you believe it?!) Right now all I've got marked are three Harry/Draco post-series fics, because that's what I was reading over the weekend.

I've also done a little poking around at Delicious, and it seems pretty neat. For instance, I can see who else has bookmarked the same fics I've bookmarked, and then see what other fics those same people have bookmarked with similar tags. Nifty! This seems like a promising way to find good fics. (Or at least it will be the next time I have time to read again after today, which is looking like, um, Christmas. Oh well!)

But right away I saw a dilemma -- when you use the site this way, you see the summaries that everyone else has written for their bookmarks. Such as, for instance, details about the plots of stories.

If I write my bookmark summaries with an intended audience of me, I'm liable to include all sorts of plot spoilers for the stories (since I'm trying to give myself the ability to remember which story was which if I want to reread them years from now). On the other hand, if I keep my summaries non-spoilery as a courtesy to other people who might cruise my bookmarks looking for stuff to read, then I also have to make them less informative.

So what I'm wondering is -- is there some sort of established Delicious code of conduct? Rules of etiquette, unspoken or otherwise?

Oh look, a post! About things, and other things.

2009-09-08T20:29:16Z

As per my recent habit, I'd like to let you know about a good fic that I read recently: The Worst Journey in the World, which shapinglight wrote for the Plot Without Porn ficathon. Post-NFA Buffy, Spike and Wesley, with sled dogs, bad weather, and a questionable plan. I enjoyed it very much.

***

So, Dreamwidth? How's that going? I still really like the idea of it, and the new reading filter functionality that they're promising to unroll this week sounds very cool, but from the looks of it, my actual flist is still pretty much LJ-based. So I guess my plan for now is to cross-post everything, and leave comments open everywhere. (On the rare occasions when I actually post, that is!)

***

Hey, I'm re-reading the Harry Potter series! I am now halfway through The Chamber of Secrets. I'm enjoying it very much. I'm getting much stronger fic-reading urges than I did the first time through—I think, when all is said and done, that I'm a closed-canon kind of girl. I like knowing the whole original story before I embark on the magical, neverending journey that is fanfic!

I don't think I'm likely to make the leap to writing Potterverse fic any time soon, though. Way too much work to figure out how to sound British enough. It's hard enough managing with Spike and Giles, and at least they're largely operating in an American environment. (Not that I'm American, either—but I can fake it much more easily!)

Two Harry Potter recs; a story and a vid.

2009-08-21T03:59:07Z

I was in the mood for Harry Potter tonight, partly because of seeing the new movie a few weeks ago and partly because I was just chatting about it with a couple of RL friends.

So I went browsing through crack_van, and found a story and a vid to enjoy.

The story is The Courtship of Benjamin Jink by atdelphi, and it's Snape/Slughorn slash (seriously!), and the writing is just lovely.

Let me show you a little bit!

Horace, eschewing the opportunity to make a speech for what may have been the first time in his life, greeted each attendee personally and fondly before taking a seat on the furthest bench. It did not feel quite right to sit among the staff, with those who had known Severus for so much longer than he had and who mourned in a different manner. He was here as a private citizen, he decided, and listened politely as Harry Potter - looking very much the young hero - eulogised Severus Snape as a Gryffindor for his bravery, as a Hufflepuff for his loyalty, as a Ravenclaw for his wisdom. There was applause, and not a few tears, and decent catering.

Later that night, when all the visitors had left, Horace opened up a bottle of fifty-year-old single malt. He settled in his chair before the fire and raised a glass, not entirely dry-eyed. "Here's to you, m'boy."

He drank to the most cunning, two-faced, duplicitous snake of a Slytherin he had ever had the pleasure of knowing.

Secondly, a vid: Beautiful Struggle by nightchik. It's a gen vid, not a shippy one, and I'm not sure how to describe it because I totally don't have a language for talking about vids. I just liked it.

***

By the way, I'm writing! I'm working on "That Good Night." It'll be a while still before I have anything ready to post, but I just wanted to let you know. It's not dead, it's just resting!

Drabble: The Happiest Day

2009-08-16T00:54:33Z

I'm sitting in an air-conditioned coffee shop drinking a coffee slushie that is probably going to keep me up way too late tonight. And I just wrote a drabble! I hope you like it.

The Happiest Day

They make it through the vows without a hitch. The kiss is beautiful, storybook. Not a dry eye in the house.

Floating across the dance floor with his new bride Buffy in his arms, Angel can’t remember ever feeling so happy before. So perfectly happy.

Later, once everybody’s wounds are bandaged and they’ve taken up a collection to reimburse Willow for the Orb of Thesulah, Angel sits down next to Spike on the steps out back.

Spike raises an eyebrow at him, lights a second cigarette. His knuckles are bloody.

“So,” Angel says, “Tell me about that demon in Africa.”

A squeal of glee, plus a fic rec (S/X this time!).

2009-08-13T15:14:22Z

Yesterday, I completed a fic! ::insert squeal of glee::

It's a standalone Spike/Xander story in which I play with the Groundhog Day trope (a thing I've wanted to do since practically forever). And man, would I like to post it right now! But ... I think I'm gonna wait. I'd really like to participate in Fall For S/X (as I have every year since my Writercon 2 roommates talked me into it, even if in the Autumn of the Newborn Baby I only managed a tiny 200 word-ish slice of life thing in place of an actual fic). And I suspect I'm not going to have a chance to complete anything else before December 21st, keeping in mind my general inability to keep a fic down to less than 10,000 words!

So hey you guys, does anybody know for sure if Fall for S/X is happening this year?

Okay, in other news, as soon as I finished writing my own Spike/Xander story, I went off and read somebody else's! So now I have a rec for you:

Xander Harris vs Destiny by cordelianne, reremouse, and savoytruffle

Okay, not that there are probably many people on my flist who missed this when it first came out, but still! I just read it this morning, so I'm reccing it, darn it. It's a lighthearted, sexy road trip with a mystery built in. Or something like that, anyway! And it all makes sense in the end. (And oh man, now I understand the title!)

ETA: I have a Fall for S/X posting date—September 23rd. Woot!

Babylon 5 fic rec

2009-07-24T01:50:37Z

Um hey, remember when I said that I'd be trying to keep up some kind of minimal level of fannish participation by posting little recs/reviews when I read stories? (That was two entries and two months ago, here.)

Turns out even that was more than I could manage so far, but I've finally got one!

Splinters of the Past by cdybedahl
fandom: Babylon 5

This story takes place after the end of the series. Susan Ivanova is awesome in it, perfectly in character. Her relationship with Talia Winters was something that we didn't see enough of in the TV series, and it ended horribly abruptly—this story builds plausibly upon what we saw onscreen, and finally provides a kind of closure.

This entry was originally posted at http://shadowscast.dreamwidth.org/101211.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

like water when you're thirsty

2009-07-24T00:18:47Z

Oh wow you guys, I just spent about three hours this afternoon writing fanfic. I went to a coffee shop and opened up my netbook and Spike and Xander came to life in my head, and I wrote. It was great. I've missed this so much.

The last-edited date on the file was June 15th, but I know it's been longer than that since I actually wrote, because I remember I just did a few line edits the last time I had the file open. I think the last time I did any real writing was in mid-April. Gah.

Writing is so hard, sometimes. You know what I'm talking about. Like slogging up a muddy hill in the pouring rain wearing a big wool sweater. But today it was more like taking a running start and sliding down the muddy hill, shrieking gleefully the whole time.

Except not with actual shrieking. My fellow coffee-shop patrons probably would've objected.

Anyway. Hooray for vacation!

This entry was originally posted at http://shadowscast.dreamwidth.org/100952.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

Firefly fic rec

2009-05-28T02:57:17Z

I'm not writing much these days! (You'd noticed, right?)

So here's a plan I have for not being completely invisible in fandom—I'll make an effort to post a little rec whenever I read a good fic. Well, okay, whenever I read a good fic and then still have time and energy afterwards to write even a minimal post. Heh. Do not expect a sudden deluge of rec posts.

Today I read Air by ana_grrl. (I got the link off Crack Van, which is pretty much cheating, recs-wise. You forgive me, right?) It's a Firefly story—a short, sweet Kaylee/Inara slash fic set a little while after the movie.

Gosh I love Kaylee. And this fic captures her voice really nicely.

By the way, if you're reading my posts on Livejournal or Insanejournal, you might notice that I'm redirecting comments to Dreamwidth! So, yeah, this is what I've decided to do for now:

1) Crosspost completely (ie: Dreamwidth, Livejournal, Insanejournal).

2) For meta and general musings, redirect comments to Dreamwidth.

(Why? Well, in the event that any conversations happen in comments, I'd like them to be all in one place. The place where I have lots of icons to use.)

3) For fic (when I eventually get some more written), leave comments open everywhere.

(Why? Because I want to make leaving feedback as easy as possible. I mean seriously, if I could go to your house and do the typing for you while you lounged on your sofa eating grapes, I would.)

This entry was originally posted at http://shadowscast.dreamwidth.org/100781.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

wishing for a queerer Star Trek

2009-05-13T01:37:18Z

Hey look, I'm posting again! And it's about Star Trek, again!

Don't worry, it's not going to be All Star Trek, All The Time around here now; it's only that I just saw the new Star Trek movie, so it's fresh in my mind.

And here's a thing I've been thinking: I want the new Sulu to be gay.

I don't mean "I want to see slash stories featuring the new Sulu" (though I'm certainly not saying that I don't!). I mean, this is my wish: I want the actual writers of the next movie to put some stuff in the script to indicate clearly that Sulu is gay. Maybe with some smooching!

I'm not saying that I'm guessing that this will happen, or that I've seen any subtexty hints that it might. I'm just saying, hey, I think it would be awesome. I think it should happen. Here's why!

When the original Star Trek aired in the 1960's, it was pretty radical to have a main cast/bridge crew that included a black woman, an Asian guy, and a Russian guy. When Kirk and Uhura kissed in "Plato's Stepchildren," it was the first onscreen inter-ratial kiss on American TV. Holy controversial, Batman! Star Trek was out there, taking risks, going where no American TV show had gone before. Star Trek was doing something very important that science fiction often shies away from: imagining social change along with technological development. Star Trek was being the change.

But these days? Star Trek plays it safe. I mean, I grew up watching TNG and Deep Space Nine, and they were a lot of fun and they had some great episodes, which were sometimes just wonderful stories and sometimes edged into allegory and political commentary, sure. They got into complex situations and dealt with shades of grey that went way beyond anything the original series handled. There's a lot of good stuff in there. But nothing that I would describe as brave. Nothing that pushes for the better world that we want to live in while scaring the bejeebus out of their advertisers and kicking off angry letter-writing campaigns in the heartland.

So, here's my idea: the rebooted Star Trek could recapture that spirit of fiery social relevance by letting one of the main characters be gay!

And why Sulu in particular? Well, I just think it would be a nice shout-out to George Takei, the original Sulu, who came out himself a few years back.

It would be great!

This entry was originally posted at http://shadowscast.dreamwidth.org/100449.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

help a fangirl out? (Star Trek question)

2009-05-11T04:39:35Z

I just saw the new Star Trek movie, and enjoyed it muchly.

So now I'm wondering where to go for a quick fix of meta and squee related to the movie. (I'm assuming there can't be much fic yet, but I'm sure there's some in the pipeline!) Thing is, what with Star Trek being pretty much the mother of all fandoms, I have no idea where to start looking! So, how 'bout it, my poor neglected flist; can you help me?

That Good Night (13/?)

2009-01-09T21:42:45Z

The last time I posted a chapter of That Good Night, I said that I hoped to update again in less than a year. I am happy to say that I have met that goal! Yippee! (Keeping the bar just high enough that I can comfortably walk under it.)

Thanks as always to yourlibrarian—beta-reader extraordinaire—and also to any readers out there who haven't given up on me yet!

Previously in the Fragments-verse....

In Not The End, Angel defeated Wolfram & Hart's army, and got fired. Er, 'downsized'. And Spike got flambéed by a dragon, but was immediately reincarnated as a human. Weird! Wonder how that happened?

In Human Frailty, we skipped ahead six months and saw Spike and Xander living together as a couple in Rome. Unfortunately it would seem that Spike's reincarnation had left him a bit fucked up. Xander was looking a bit worse for the wear, too. At least they had each other!

In Late Night Porn Store Blues, we zipped back in time to watch Xander meet human-Spike, who was living with Illyria and working in a sex shop at the time. And yet there was no sex!

In How the Light Gets In, the gap between the previous two stories was bridged. Xander found out about Spike's fragile health, and Spike found out why Xander was so haunted by events in Africa. They helped each other, a bit. And finally there was sex!

In Before the Time of Dawn, Spike and Xander travelled back in time to Sunnydale circa Xander's senior year to save the tragically misunderstood Sisterhood of Jhe. They hoped to avoid contact with the Scoobies of 1999. Hah! But everything turned out okay in the end.

In That Good Night, so far: Xander, Spike and Buffy are all in Sao Paulo, visiting Willow and Kennedy and their new baby, Tara. Xander and Buffy (but not Spike) were surprised to learn, sequentially, that Oz was also in town, that he was the biological father of the baby, and that he and Willow and Kennedy were now in a three-way relationship. Also, this is the first time that Spike and Buffy have met since Spike burned up in the Hellmouth two years previously, so that's been a bit awkward. And as if Xander didn't have enough to worry about, Spike's been seeing Drusilla around town and in his dreams, and Oz thinks Spike may be sicker than they realize. Meanwhile, an army of child-vampires is amassing in a nearby favela. Our heroes had better do something about that!

And now, the new chapter!

Title: That Good Night (part 13 of ?)
Rating: NC-17 (barely)
Pairing: Spike/Xander, ensemble
Summary: A couple of years post-NFA, Spike is human, and it isn’t working out so well. He and Xander are currently in Sao Paulo, where Willow has just had a baby and a new vampire problem is looming.
Warnings: This story will get dark at times. Definitely angsty, h/c with lots of hurt. Character death will most definitely be threatened, and I'd rather not say what comes of it (though if you're terribly worried, ask me privately).
Disclaimer: They're not mine, and I'm not making any money.

NB: All previous installments of this story were posted in LiveJournal only. I'll be cross-posting from here on in, but not going back and posting old chapters to IJ.

Chapter 13

Drusilla shattered a stained glass window on their way into the church. Then she threw her shotgun away and darted over to run her fingers through the glass shards, giggling. “Look, my love,” she said, holding up a bleeding finger for Spike to examine. “Angels are weeping.”

“They see you coming, pet.” Spike scooped her up and sucked her finger, relishing the cold iron tang of her blood. He got the glass sliver between his teeth and spat it out. “Best not keep them waiting.”

The sanctuary was deserted but for the choir, who stood in their white-and-gold robes singing Ave Maria. Dru spun and danced down the aisle. Spike followed, taking long strides. The heavy leather of his coat flapped around his legs.

The choir was all small boys, and tears ran down their cheeks as they sang. Dru plucked one from the choir stall, lifting him like a doll. The others kept singing, their sad eyes all on her. She cradled her chosen victim in her arms and brought him over to Spike. “You haven’t been well, love,” she said. “You shall have the first drink.”

Spike brought out his fangs. The boy whimpered, but he bared his thin brown neck. Spike bit deep, reveling in the first hot, bitter gush of blood.

And then he remembered. He staggered backwards, choking, and fell to his knees. “We can’t kill them, Dru. You mustn’t—mustn’t kill anymore.”

She dropped the boy carelessly and came and knelt in from of Spike. She brushed his hair away from his eyes with gentle fingers. “Poor William,” she murmured. “Your head is all a muddle.”

***

Spike woke up gasping, drenched in sweat. Xander rolled over towards him and cracked open his eye. “Spike? Are you okay?”

“Had another dream,” Spike croaked. He was still half in the grips of it; could still taste the boy’s blood.

“Shit.” Xander pulled Spike into a tight, close hug. Spike shut his eyes and pressed his face into Xander’s shoulder, trying to chase the images away. It didn’t work. When he closed his eyes, she was there.

“Wanna talk about it?” Xander asked.

“It was Dru again.” Spike swallowed. His throat was dry. “Fed me a boy. In a church. Doesn’t matter. Wasn’t anything real—wasn’t one of our real kills, not in particular. I can still feel her, under my skin. She’s out there, luv.”

Spike felt Xander tense up. He wasn’t sure whether Xander believed him that Dru was in town—he wasn’t sure whether any of them did, at this point. In the broad light of day, he wasn’t sure about it himself, but right now he could feel her lurking just out of sight.

“We’ve got to get you out of Sao Paulo,” Xander said. “This place is stirring up too many old memories.”

Spike tangled his fingers through Xander’s hair and kissed him just behind the ear. “No argument here. I’m ready to fly home as soon as you are.”

Xander sat up. “Yeah. Well, we should wait for those test results first, huh?”

Spike shrugged, still lying down. “Could wait for them just as well in Rome.” He hoped Xander wouldn’t ask him again what the doctor had said—and he didn’t. Instead, Xander got up and started stripping the sweat-soaked sheets off the bed. Spike got up himself and, wordless, went to his bag for a dry set of clothes to sleep in.

The doctor had been interested in the night sweats—noted them down on her little list of symptoms. Not something Spike would’ve thought to bring up, but Oz had noticed the extra laundry, these last few nights.

She’d had some theories, too, as to what might be wrong with him. Spike hadn’t passed them along to Xander just yet, and he’d made Oz promise to keep his gob shut, too. No sense worrying Xander any more than necessary.

Once Xander had got the bed all freshly made up, Spike found that he was reluctant to get back in it. Not that he wasn’t tired, but he didn’t fancy the idea of closing his eyes and meeting Dru again. “I’m parched,” he said. “Think I’ll go have a glass of juice.”

“I’ll get it for you,” Xander offered.

Spike rolled his eyes. “Not an invalid, here. You warm up the bed, and I’ll be back in a mo’.”

The kitchen light was on, which was unexpected at 3 a.m.. Spike went in and found Buffy alone at the stove, standing over a saucepan.

“Oh!” She looked up in surprise. “Spike! What are you doing up?”

“Just getting some juice.” He went to the fridge. “Yourself?”

“Willow and Kennedy were up with the baby, and they woke me up. I said I’d make hot cocoa for everyone, but then Tara fell asleep so they went back to bed.” Buffy looked down at her saucepan. “So, um, want some cocoa?”

Spike considered the juice pitcher in his hand, shrugged, and put it back in the fridge. “Sure.” He was in no hurry to face his dreams again.

“You’re looking better,” Buffy said, pouring the cocoa into two mugs.

“Feeling it, too,” Spike agreed. They sat down together at one end of the big wooden kitchen table. Spike blew over the surface of his cocoa. He realized that he was pleased to have a chance to talk to Buffy alone, after everything that had happened. “I hope Xander hasn’t been giving you too much grief over that series of unfortunate events.”

“You mean when I took you out on patrol to get robbed, shot, and attacked by vampires in the pouring rain?” Buffy winced into her cocoa. “Oh, we’re halfway to laughing about it.”

“Don’t take it hard,” Spike advised her. “He gets protective.”

A rueful smile ghosted across Buffy’s lips. “Yeah, I know.”

They sipped their cocoa in companionable silence for a moment or two. Then Spike said quietly, “Buffy? I’ve been meaning to ask you something.”

She noticed his change in tone—she sat up a bit straighter. “All right. Ask away.”

“What was heaven like?”

“Oh.” Her eyes widened. “Oh. Oh God, Spike, are you dying?”

“Well, that’s part of the whole humanity package, innit?” Spike forced a grin. He hadn’t meant to scare her; he just wanted to know. “We’re all going to die eventually.”

“Ah. Right.” She tentatively returned his grin. “Some of us, more than once.”

He raised his mug. “Cheers to that.”

She clinked her mug against his, and they drank—to coming back from the dead, or what, he wasn’t quite sure, but anyway it seemed to ease the mood.

“So, heaven?” he prompted her. “I wouldn’t ask, it’s only that ... I’ve already had a glimpse of hell. Bloody terrifying, it was.” He took a longer drink of cocoa to cover up the shiver that passed through him when he thought about it.

She blinked. “What do you mean? Like, a hell dimension?”

Spike shrugged. “Dunno, exactly. It was back when I was a ghost—I wasn’t tied to this plane by much of a thread, and I could feel myself being drawn to this ... place. Not a place, maybe, so much as an alternate state of being. All I know for sure is, there was torment, fire, pain—and I knew, too, I knew that was where I belonged.”

Her eyes had gone wide. Spike suddenly had the sense that he’d said too much. Bloody running off at the mouth. He was comfortable around Buffy and it was 3 a.m..

“You don’t belong there,” she said.

“Slayer. Remember who I was. Remember what I’ve done.” He shook his head. “Doesn’t matter. What’s done is done. Besides, Angel thinks the Shanshu means the slate’s wiped clean—puts my soul back in the balance.”

“Heaven,” Buffy said quietly. “Honestly, I don’t remember anymore. I had to forget, just to get to the point where I could function in this world again.” She gave him a sad smile. “I remember remembering, though. When I first got back. I remember missing it. I think ... it was a feeling, more than a place. I was at peace. I was filled with love.” Her eyes were misting over now, and Spike started to feel bad for asking. “I hope I can feel it again someday. But I try not to think about that.”

“Best not,” Spike agreed. “Sorry to have brought it up.”

Buffy brushed the back of her hand quickly over her eyes. “Oh well, before you came in I was thinking about how to bring down the vampire children’s crusade, so hey—not like you interrupted me thinking about naked Brad Pitt, or something.”

“How are the plans coming, then?” All afternoon there had been bursts of light from the carport where Red had been working on that magical sunshine spell of hers. Spike had never realized the little witch knew so many colorful profanities.

“We still don’t have a ‘plan’ so much as a loosely-assorted series of ideas that might or might not work.” Buffy grimaced into her mug of cocoa. “I just can’t figure out how Kennedy and I are going to operate the sun ball spell and fight the vamps and escort any captive kids to safety. We wanted to keep everyone else out of it, but I’m starting to think we might need Oz and Xander—“

“No,” Spike cut her off. “Not Xander.”

Buffy looked startled at his forceful tone. “We’d keep him as far from the action as possible,” she promised. “It shouldn’t be any more dangerous than Tuesday night at the Bronze in the good old days.”

“That’s a frightening thought in itself,” Spike said. “But I know Xander can take care of himself in a fight. Facing an army of children, though, that’s the last thing he needs. Not after les Enfants de Dieu.”

“Les...” Buffy repeated, blank for a moment, and then she got it. Spike knew that she’d never had the whole story out of Xander—nobody had apart from Spike, Giles and Xander’s therapist—but she had enough bits and pieces to make the connection. “Oh. Mathilde’s army. You think it would wig him out?”

“I think I don’t ever want to see him as close to losing it as he was when he found me in L.A.”

“Was it that bad?” Buffy fiddled absently with her mug. “I mean, he seemed ... distant.”

“He was shutting you out. Didn’t know how to talk to you from where he was.”

“But he talked to you,” she observed. “Just like me after I crawled out of my grave. I couldn’t talk to anyone but you.”

“I guess I’m just that bloody approachable.”

They shared a wry look.

“Okay,” she said. “I’ll keep Xander away from the fight. I don’t know how, but—I’ll come up with something.”

“Buffy,” Spike said, “I want you to make me a promise.”

“What?”

“That you’ll look out for Xander if anything happens to me.”

She put her mug down on the table, frowning. “If anything—what do you mean?”

“You’re his best friend, apart from Willow, and she’s got her own family to look after now.”

Buffy clasped her hands around his where he gripped his mug. He felt his heart speed up at her touch, but he didn’t pull away. She wasn’t leaning in, not like the other day in the rain when she’d kissed him, and her expression was serious. “You’re scaring me, Spike,” she said. “What did the doctor tell you yesterday?”

“Nothing. Just drew some blood, ordered some tests. But I thought this might be my last chance to talk to you alone before we leave. I’m just covering my bases, right?” He looked down at her strong little fingers, covering his. “Buffy ... I truly am sorry I didn’t tell you I’d come back. I was a coward. After everything that’s gone between us ... I knew we could never be together, not really. And I didn’t want to have to hear it from you.”

“Well, you’re an idiot.” She sighed, a sort of soft letting-go. “But I’m glad you were there when Xander needed you. I’m glad you’re happy together. And I promise that I’ll look after him if you’re suddenly and unfortunately eaten by trolls.”

He made an expression of mock horror. “Don’t even joke, Slayer. Trolls are vicious, hungry creatures with terrible oral hygiene.”

Buffy giggled, and Spike grinned, and that was when Xander walked in.

“Spike, what’re you— “ Xander stopped in his tracks. Buffy jerked her hands away from Spike like he was suddenly red hot. Spike wished she hadn’t done that—made it look like they had something to hide.

“Buffy made cocoa,” Spike said, pretending not to notice the expression on Xander’s face. “Would you like some?”

“No,” Xander said. “I’ll wait for you in the bedroom. Whenever you’re done.”

Spike stood up before Xander could leave. “We’re done now.” He went over and kissed Xander on the lips. Xander stood rigid, not giving anything back but at least not moving away. This mess was going to take some sorting out, then. “Good night, Buffy. Ta for the cocoa.”

Back in the guest room, Xander climbed into bed and rolled over so that his back was to Spike. “Good night,” he said.

“Don’t be like this, pet,” Spike said, easing into bed but not lying down. He rested a hand over Xander’s tight shoulder blades. “Buffy happened to be in the kitchen. I sat down and had a cup of hot cocoa and a chat. That’s all.”

“It’s fine,” Xander said. His tone of voice thoroughly contradicted his words. “Everything’s fine. Go to sleep.”

“What used to be between Buffy and me, it’s over. I would never betray you.”

“I said, everything’s fine. Fantabulously fine. So lie down and shut up. You need to sleep.”

Spike considered taking Xander at his word. Might be easier to talk in the morning when they were better rested.

But come morning, everyone would be busy making plans of attack. No telling when they’d have another real chance to talk, and besides, the last thing he wanted was to cause a rift between Buffy and Xander. Been there, done that, got the bloody t-shirt.

So he went on the offensive.

“I’m not bothered that you’re jealous. It’s fucking hot, in point of fact. But this shutting me out, it’s tedious. Why not throw me up against a wall for a fast hard fuck and mark your territory?”

That had the desired effect, which was to say Xander at least rolled over and glared at him. “I’m not jealous. And we’re not talking about this.”

“So you weren’t at all bothered finding me in the kitchen holding hands with Buffy?”

“No!” Xander pretty much snarled. “Now will you fucking go to sleep?!”

“Well, good,” Spike said, blithely ignoring the majority of Xander’s response. “Because Buffy and I have a lot of history together. It would be understandable if you felt a bit threatened by that.”

Xander sat up abruptly, swung his legs over the side of the bed, and grabbed his jeans off the floor. That was not the result Spike had been hoping for. “Oi!” he yelped. “Where do you think you’re going?”

“Out,” Xander said.

“Out where? It’s the middle of the bloody night!”

“Don’t know. Don’t care.”

Shite. He didn’t think Xander was bluffing, and Spike did not want his pigheaded boyfriend wandering around Sao Paulo at night. Even if Dru was all in Spike’s head—which was still bloody uncertain as far as he was concerned—there was an army of hungry child-vampires steadily building its numbers a few miles away.

Spike wrapped his arms around Xander’s waist and rested his forehead against the back of Xander’s neck. “I’m sorry, luv, I’m sorry. Don’t go. I’ll shut up now.”

He felt Xander shake his head. “God damn it, Spike.”

“I pushed too hard,” Spike murmured into Xander’s warm skin. “I’m sorry. But you’re not all right, pet, and I need you to tell me so’s I can fix it.”

Xander made a move to peel Spike’s arms off of him, but he didn’t try very hard. “The middle of the night is seriously not the time to be hashing out our relationship issues.”

“Can’t think of a better time. No distractions, nobody else around, no big ugly monsters currently trying to kill us— “

“But you’re supposed to be asleep.” Xander was like a broken record, except, Spike noticed, the tinge of desperation was getting stronger on each iteration. “Jesus, Spike, you’re sick. You need rest. We can’t have this fight now.”

Ah. Well that explained a thing or two. “Doesn’t have to be a fight.”

“Discussion. Conference. Thing.”

“Can’t sleep.” He pressed his face harder against Xander’s neck, dug in a little tighter with his fingers. “Not with Dru in my head. I’ll rest better once the sun’s up. I’ll have a real lie-in, stay in bed till noon. Promise.”

Xander sighed and kicked his jeans back to the floor, and Spike knew he’d won—if that was the word. He welcomed Xander back under the covers with a kiss, but kept it brief—after going through all this bloody trouble to get Xander to talk, he wasn’t going to derail the conversation with sex. “Lay it on me, luv,” he urged, threading his fingers through Xander’s own. The more he touched Xander, the less likely this was to turn into a real knock-down shouting match. “Tell me what’s on your mind.”

It took Xander a while to answer, but Spike could tell he was just trying to work out what to say. “I’m scared,” Xander finally admitted in a hoarse almost-whisper. “Every time I turn around, there’s a new way I’m going to lose you.”

“What do you mean by that?” Not that Spike didn’t have a guess or two, but Xander needed to say it.

“What if Buffy wants you back?”

“She’ll have to go fish.” Spike kissed Xander again. “I’m with you now.”

“But you’re in love with her.”

“I love her,” Spike conceded, and felt Xander drawing away. “Well so do you, you daft sod! But I’m not in love with her, not anymore.” Strange to say, it was true. “The man I was while I was in love with her—he’s gone, and I don’t want him back.”

“And what about Angel?” Xander shot him a look both frightened and challenging. “What the hell is the deal with you and him?”

Spike was caught flat-footed—metaphorically, seeing as they were lying face-to-face in bed. He hadn’t expected Xander to jump straight from Buffy to Angel. “Do you have a free year coming up any time soon?” he asked. “’Cause I think it’d take about that long to do that story justice.”

“So how about you just summarize the last few chapters?”

“You know all that part. You know he was lurking about in LA after I turned human, making a nuisance of himself. Then you recruited him for the Council, and I’ve only seen him a handful of times since then.”

“Including twice in Rome while I was in South Africa.”

“That was months ago, pet. Didn’t seem to bother you at the time.”

“That was before I knew you were lovers.”

Spike grimaced. “We’re not. We’ve shagged plenty of times, Peaches ‘n me, but it’s never once been about love.”

Xander didn’t look especially reassured. Spike still found it tough to believe that it hadn’t ever occurred to Xander that he’d had sex with Angelus back in the day—what did he think vampires did before television?

“Did you ‘shag’ each other while I was in South Africa?”

“God no.”

“So you’re going to tell me it’s all ancient history? Because the way Angel was acting around you in LA— “

“Ancient and dusty, pet.” It was 99% true.

“What about right after you turned human?” Xander frowned. “You lived with Angel in the Hyperion, you mentioned that when we went there for the spell....”

“Bloody hell,” Spike sighed. He’d rather not tell Xander that particular story. Didn’t concern him, and it wasn’t exactly a time Spike liked to reflect on. But he could see that not knowing was eating away at Xander; he was imagining some interlude of intimacy between Spike and Angel, and it was driving him batty. “If I tell you all about it, then can we let it rest?”

“Yes. Please. I just want to know.”

“Not so sure you do, luv, but we’ve come this far.” Spike closed his eyes for a moment, thought back to night he’d woken up in the alley, stark naked in the rain, lying in a puddle of gore. “Angel was pretty well demolished after the big showdown with Wolfram & Hart. He’d lost all of his people you know—all of them. I’m not saying he was back to huddling in dark corners and eating rats, but it was a near thing. And as for me, turning human was no bloody picnic. Trying to live with a vampire’s memories without the strength of the demon in me—it was like the soul was new and raw all over again.”

Best to keep it short. Xander didn’t need all the sodding details.

“So what I’m saying is, Angel and I were not in our right minds, not even close. We lost some time in there, licking our wounds and clawing at the walls. Maybe a few days, maybe a month—can’t even say. And then one night he heard me screaming and he came into the room where I was staying, and maybe the both of us wanted to smother the voices in our heads, and we went at it like it was 1895. Come morning I went into the loo, took a good look at myself in the mirror, smashed it to hell and cut myself to ribbons with the pieces.” Xander took a sharp breath but Spike pushed on, wanted to get past that part quickly. “Angel scooped me up off the floor and called 911, had them drag my sorry arse to the hospital. After that I went and set up housekeeping with Blue in my old flat, and I swear to you, luv, Angel hasn’t touched me since that day.”

“Fuck, Spike,” Xander swore softly. He squeezed Spike’s hand hard enough to hurt. “I didn’t know—you have to promise, fucking promise never to do that again.”

“I already swore, luv. There’s nobody for me now but you. Not like Angel’s offering, but if he was, I wouldn’t touch him with a bloody ten foot pointy stick.”

“Not that. The mirror.”

“Oh. Not a worry, pet.” He didn’t like Xander looking at him like he was breakable. “Love looking at myself in the glass, these days. Can’t get enough of it. I’m a very attractive bloke, you know.”

Xander snorted, and Spike thought that maybe they were all right now.

“Sky’s getting brighter,” Spike pointed out. “Time to sleep?”

“Yeah.” Whatever else Xander was thinking, he kept it to himself. But he hugged Spike tight as they curled up to sleep.

Back in the asylum, apparently (+ a Buffyverse alphabet)

2009-01-07T15:00:01Z

I created this IJ back during Strikethrough, when I was unhappy with LiveJournal's actions. Then I was pretty much offline for over a year, what with having a baby. A couple of weeks ago when I decided to start getting more active in fandom again, I observed that my IJ flist was a proper subset of my LJ one, so I didn't bother posting here. But now LJ is making wild cutbacks, and there's a thin edge of panic in the air, so what the heck, I'll get with the cross-posting. (Which is to say: I will now be posting the same entries, generally, to both LJ and IJ.)

So I'll start by posting A Buffyverse Alphabet, which went live in my LJ a couple of days ago!

(in the style of Edward Gorey's Gashlycrumb Tinies)

A is for Anya, who died being brave.
B is for Buffy, crawled out of her grave.
C's for Cordelia, gave birth to a god.
D is for Darla, whose birth plan was flawed.
E is for Eve, who was dead from the First.
F is for Fred, whose fate was much worse.
G is for Gunn, who put up a brave fight.
H is for Harmony, who succumbed to a bite.
I is for Illyria, gone to dust.
J is for Jonathan and his misplaced trust.
K's for Katrina, clubbed in the head.
L is for Lilah, still scheming, but dead.
M is for Merrick, a wound in his throat.
N is for Nikki, who had a nice coat.
O is for Olaf, turned into a troll.
P's for Principal Snyder, gobbled up whole.
Q is for Quentin, who got blown up.
R is for Rack, who was drained like a cup.
S is for Spike, burned up on the spot.
T is for Tara, killed by a stray shot.
U is for Underwood, Cecily, finally slain by D'Hoffryn.
V's for Veruca, who did not rate a coffin.
W is for Warren, who was flayed (it was gory).
X is for Xin Rong. Tell her mother she's sorry.
Y's for all the young kids watching Smile Time in arenas.
Z's for the zookeeper, munched by hyenas.

Author's notes:

E: In case you didn't get the, er, pun—this refers to Eve the Potential, who was killed by minions of the First Evil before she ever arrived at Buffy's house (as opposed to Eve from Wolfram & Hart).

K: Katrina was Warren's ex-girlfriend, who he killed (sort of accidentally) when he hit her in the head with a bottle. Kendra might have been a better choice for K, but I thought of Katrina first for some reason.

M: This refers to Buffy's first Watcher, from movie canon. (And not from the comic version, in which apparently he shot himself instead of being killed by the vampire. But I couldn't find a way to make "shot himself" rhyme with "coat.")

S & T: I just want to say, it is very sad that "amulet" and "bullet" don't actually rhyme.

U & V: I don't think I rose to the challenge of these letters very well. The only "U" I could find in the series was Cecily's implied last name from that one flashback, and then since Cecily didn't actually have a grisly death but Halfrek did, I had to make the Cecily=Halfrek connection ... and that was a lot to fit into one short line. Also I would've liked Veruca's line to be more specific to her manner of death, but, agh. I couldn't manage it.

X: Xin Rong is the name of the Chinese Slayer that Spike killed, according to the tie-in comics (or rather, according to the Wikipedia article which cites the tie-in comics—I haven't read that comic myself). It was funny to do a Buffy alphabet and not use Xander for X, but again, my theme here was grisly death!

Y: Okay, Y was weak. Really weak. Um, it makes slightly more sense in the context of the Shadow Puppets tie-in comic, in which Smile Time did actually put on an arena show. The kids didn't die, though, which means it doesn't really fit in this alphabet. But Y was damned hard, and I needed to rhyme with "hyenas"!

Z: I'm rather proud of Z, actually.

ETA: tarotgal did one for Highlander!

waves

2008-12-30T05:27:06Z

Oh, look, it's nearly 2009. How did that happen?

I have a plan for the new year, and that plan is: I'm going to participate in fandom, a little! Read my flist once in a while, browse some communities, read a bit of fic, post every once in a while, and, hey, write! I'm working on the next chapter of "That Good Night" now, and I think I'm well on my way to meeting my stated goal of posting chapter thirteen less than a year after chapter twelve. Yay!

See you around!

What I've been up to lately

2008-10-16T23:05:11Z

It's mostly radio silence out of me these days, isn't it? Sorry about that.

As you might recall, my writing output and fandom participation dropped precipitously when I had a baby in October 2007. And look, now it's October 2008! Wow, how time flies.

I'm back at work now, and I'm taking on overtime hours for extra income to support my family, since my husband's now staying home full-time with the baby. This arrangement is awesome in several ways, including 1) I love my job, 2) husband and baby are having a great time together, and 3) I don't have to do any housework at all, ever!

Time for writing is still very limited, sadly. I'm writing every chance I get, which is amounting to about a couple of hours every other weekend.

I must sheepishly admit that "That Good Night" is once again on hold, since I signed up for "Fall for S/X" again (what was I thinking??). My date is December 1st. I will have a real story to post this year, I swear! And so the next chapter of "That Good Night" should go online sometime in, er, January 2009.

In other news, I'm excited at the idea of Writercon 2009, but also very uncertain because I won't know until the spring what my work schedule will be like in the summer.

Getting picky about my vampires

2008-08-16T05:47:33Z

Know what I've discovered? Post-BtVS, I have no interest in other vampires. I don't want to watch movies about vampires or read books about vampires that aren't the Buffyverse vampires. I just feel like other vampires would be wrong somehow.

I know there were vampires before the Buffyverse. Heck, I read Dracula, years ago. I saw the movie, too. I enjoyed Interview with the Vampire when I was 17 (though I've never read anything else by Anne Rice). But now that I've spent so much time immersed in the world of Spike, Angel, Dru et al, I feel like any vampire that wouldn't poof into dust when staked through the heart would just be, well, unnatural. I would get weirded out if they didn't follow Joss's rules regarding crosses, holy water and sunlight. And the souled/not souled dichotomy is so important!

Does anyone else feel like this? Or am I just weird?

Starbuck would kick Dr. Horrible's ass and stuff him in a washing machine.

2008-08-06T05:57:58Z

Hello world! How are you? Me, I'm feeling a queasy sort of cross of writer's block and performance anxiety. This is my first post (here) in ten months! I had a baby, you see. Babies are a lot of work, it turns out!

But now I'm starting to get my life back, and I miss fandom. I miss talking about shows and story arcs and characters, and making up stories, and enjoying the pretty. I want to start participating in fandom again. And, for various reasons, I'd like to try using IJ for my fannish journal this time around. Only problem is, I don't know if anyone else is even reading this thing! (yourlibrarian? Are you out there, at least?)

So, hey, without further ado, I guess I'll talk about some shows!

How is Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog like Batman: The Dark Knight?

Okay, first let me say: I enjoyed Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog! It was funny and cute, and I liked the songs, and the way in which it was made was revolutionary, and I'm going to buy the DVD to support it. On the Sunday when all three parts were available online, I had a bunch of people over at my house, and we all watched it together crowded around my computer—like, about ten of us. Maybe half (including me) had already seen it, while the others were watching for the first time. Funny things are good to watch in groups. Hearing everyone else get the jokes makes them so much more fun. The penis joke worked particularly well, actually!

I also enjoyed Batman:The Dark Knight. Not quite as much as Dr. Horrible, maybe (it was a little on the loud and dark and gruesome side for me) but hey, it was the first movie I'd seen in a theatre since I had the baby! My enjoyment was also increased by seeing it along with a couple of chick friends who could laugh at it with me. (We particularly got a kick out of imagining the Joker or his hench-clowns sneaking around the hospital for months, laying explosives, with nobody noticing. Because seriously, it must take a while to set up such a perfect demolition!)

But here's the thing I noticed: Penny and Rachel have the same role. And it is a role which sucks.

I'm probably not saying anything new here! I'm aware that there was some grumbling in fandom about the sexism of Dr. Horrible. But I didn't get in on any of the discussion then, so I'm taking my turn now. I guess the main thing is, since Joss Whedon has made such a point of being committed to writing strong female characters, it was disappointing to me that in Dr. Horrible he decided to go with the classic superhero-genre gender roles (while shaking up the genre in a different way, by making the villain the sympathetic character).

Two guys are attracted to the same woman. The woman is a perfectly nice ordinary person, but she's overshadowed by her larger-than-life suitors. The guys do a bunch of stuff. The woman's main role in the story is to get killed, triggering one suitor to go evil (or eviler) and the other one to, um, be very sad.

Penny/Rachel's role in the story could also have been played by a stray puppy that both guys liked very much. (Though the singing would certainly have lost something, in that case.)

And how is Battlestar Galactica different?

One of the things I love about BSG is that it really does have lots of strong female characters—without even making a fuss about it. They just go out there and get it done. I especially noticed it after I saw Razor. Think about it—it was a sci-fi/military drama with lots of spaceships and explosions, and the four most important characters were women. And of the four, only Six was in even close to a traditional female role (the spy/seductress).

Oh and hey, a while ago I heard a radio interview with Katee Sackhoff and Grace Park on the CBC, and they mentioned that when they're filming they usually don't wear makeup! How awesome is that?

Argh, it's such a long wait for the rest of season four!

Wesley/Lindsey fic: link

2007-10-06T05:41:40Z

I've just posted a Wesley/Lindsey fic at maleslashminis on LJ:

Those Lost at Sea and Never Found

It's not a long fic, but I found it challenging to write; I've never written to a request before, ever, and I'd never written Wesley or Lindsey before, either! In fact, I'm not entirely sure what possessed me to volunteer to write this story—perhaps momentary insanity? Anyway, it's done, just barely in time to prevent the long-suffering and very sweet community maintainers from giving up on me and looking for a backup backup writer. (This was a backup fic in the first place.)

So that is part of the explanation of why I still haven't updated That Good Night—the other part of the explanation is that I'm now over 8 months pregnant, and have been teaching full-time since mid-August, so spare time has been sparse (and mostly dedicated to sleep!).

But hey, my maternity leave starts in a week, and first babies arrive late more often than not, so theoretically I could have three weeks or so with nothing to do but lounge (er, waddle) around the house and write fanfiction! ... We shall see.

Crossposted: LJ, IJ, JF, GJ

What would you miss most if civilization crumbled?

2007-09-21T01:52:51Z

So, er, hi out there! Seems I've dropped off the fannish radar. Again. I'm bad like that.

I haven't been writing or reading—lately I've been pretty busy with the working, and being very pregnant, and sleeping a lot. Sorry!

I am still trying to finish a very short piece I promised as a replacement fic for maleslash minis, and then it's back to That Good Night. But hey, I've been saying that for a while, so you can believe it when you see it.

Anyway, I'm really just popping by to tell you about the nightmare I had the night before last. Because hey, what's more interesting that listening to other people's dreams? *blink* *blink* But seriously, it had to do with fanfic...

In the dream, some sort of apocalypse had just arrived. Not a Buffy-style apocalypse, but a more mundane total breakdown of society, I think—my dream was not really specific on how or why it had happened. The point is, I was at home and it was getting dark and I tried to turn on the lights, and found that the power was out, and I knew that that meant the power was out for good—the power company was no longer functioning, civilization had fallen apart, etc.

And what was the first thing I thought of? Ice cream. I thought, "Damn it, that means I'll never get to have ice cream again in my life!" And that made me sad.

And what was the second thing I thought of? Fanfic. I thought, "Oh no, there's no computer access, there's no internet—I'll never be able to read fanfic again!" And that made me very sad. I started trying to remember fanfic that I'd already read, and I really wished I'd made hard copies back when I had the chance, before civilization crumbled. I wracked my brain for ways to get in touch with other authors: perhaps by letters? (I don't know why I thought the postal service would outlast the electric grid. But hey, that's what The Postman was about, right?) But no, letters were impossible, because I didn't know anyone's addresses. Woe!

So apparently, this is what my subconscious mind values most about civilization: ice cream and fanfiction.

Crossposted: IJ, LJ, GJ, JF

Sharing the love.

2007-08-19T05:00:27Z

Okay, I've seen these linked all over my flist, so it's likely you've all seen them linked too, but in the spirit of trying to get a steadier output of fannish glee going here, I bring you: links to three vids I've just watched and enjoyed!

sockkpuppett (luminosity) has done a 300 (the movie) vid: Vogue. It is so very, very pretty. I haven't seen the movie, but this vid makes me want to. Oh, and I called my husband over to watch (which is not something I regularly do with fanvids!)—and he liked it too.

dualbunny's vid Tragedy (starring Spike) is, oh, shiny and impressive and angstily hilarious.

stormwreath also made a Spike-centric vid: Boy from the Mouth of Hell. This one's more serious; he describes it as a character study, and he's got detailed notes to accompany the vid. I found it interesting, and fun to watch.

I don't know much about the making of vids (though I did manage to make about 20 seconds of a Veronica Mars vid with the help of my 14-year-old cousin while we were touring Alaska—we didn't have time to finish it, sadly, but at least it did start to give me an appreciation of the work that goes into a vid!) I find them really fascinating, the way they take a pre-existing song and pre-existing clips and use them to make something entirely new. I love it when they make me think about a character (or a song!) in some entirely new way. Also, a lot of them are really fun and pretty!

Crossposted to InsaneJournal, LiveJournal, GreatestJournal and JournalFen

Icon love!

2007-08-18T06:34:49Z

Historically, I haven't made much use of user icons. I've long admired other people's icons—especially when they manage to attach super-perfect marvellously appropriate ones to their posts or comments—but I've always just cycled through a few basic ones.

Part of the reason that I never used many different icons is because I'm lazy; I tend to answer comments directly from email, which means that it's always my default icon that gets attached to them. I've been using this one:

by detoxcocktails as my default for a long time now (and will for a long time to come, I think!) because firstly, it's Spike and he's pretty, and secondly, it seemed nicely neutral—appropriate for most situations.

But then a lot of it was due to just not having very many. On LJ I have a paid account (which I won't be renewing, but good grief, I've talked enough about that business already) which gives me, at this point, 43 icons. But I've never used more than about half the spaces. This is mostly because of my (rather irrational) fear of using up the spaces—what if I fill them all and then see an icon I desperately want, and have no place to put it? (And I always had a terrible reluctance to delete anything I had uploaded.)

Enter InsaneJournal! Hey presto, I suddenly have 300 icon spaces! Which is enough, apparently, to get me past my strange fear of running out of space. So I've actually started going through icon communities, admiring the pretties, and adding to my collection! (Today's icon: Oz and Xander, chosen in honour of the fact that it's pretty, it's new, and I don't know when on earth else I'll get to use it.)

It also occurred to me just today that if I see a snaggable icon that I like, but which I'm not sure whether I would actually use ... I can save it to my frikkin' hard drive! And then upload it quickly later if I want to actually use it! Um, yeah, I know, I'm such a genius. So I'm really going nuts tonight with the acquiring of pretties. Whee!!! (At least it makes insomnia more fun.)

And this got me all inspired to try my hand at making an icon of my own. For the first time ever! Well, and conveniently, a friend gifted me with a copy of Photoshop a month or so ago, which I had yet to start playing with.

So, here's my first icon!

It's made from this screencap. I really had no idea what I was doing with Photoshop, so I mostly just played with the levels and colours and brightness; I also erased a weird little line that showed up near the face when I brightened it. I tried to put some text on, too, but I failed miserably. I mean, I thought it would be easy—just click on the text tool and type something?—but somehow it just totally didn't work! I couldn't make the text show up at all. So I guess figuring that out will have to be a project for another day.

Sock Puppet: DVD-style commentary track

2007-08-17T02:37:13Z

Cross-posted: InsaneJournal, LiveJournal, GreatestJournal, JournalFen

I am pleased to announce that I've finished the DVD-style commentary track for Sock Puppet! You can enjoy my comments on the story and the writing process, yourlibrarian's additional insights, and bonus features including a missing scene and a page from my original writing notebook!

... Okay, that was my attempt to be all announcery. Heh. I will now blush, shuffle my feet, and give you the links!

I actually put the commentary for chapters 1-4 up on my website many months ago, so if you've already read that you might want to start at Chapter Five.

Read the Commentary
~or~
Start the Commentary at Chapter Five

When I'm making a commentary track I always feel a bit weird about it, because I feel like it's a tremendously self-indulgent project, but I know I've enjoyed reading other authors' commentaries on their own fic—so I hope that someone out there enjoys this one!

No self-control. None whatsoever.

2007-08-16T18:25:41Z

So, hey, if you've known me for a while, you might remember that in 2006, after my writercon roommates convinced me that ficathons are fun, I signed up for Fall for S/X? And then proceeded to write a 42,000 word story (Sock Puppet!) which completely ate several months of my life and stressed me out tremendously to the point where even my husband said to me at the end "You're never doing that again, right?"

I mean, it was fun, too! And it was wonderful to be able to share the story once it was done, and I was really, really, happy with the result—but still! The stress!

So when it was over I said "Okay, fun, but I'll never do that again!" and I went back to living my life and slowly updating my big Spandery WIP (That Good Night).

But then spring came, and I got a plot bunny about this crazy Spike/Giles story set in the summer between S5 & S6, and hey, you know what bunnies are like in the springtime, right? So I wrote to yourlibrarian about it, and asked her to please help me make rabbit stew, and instead she suggested, hey, why not sign up for Summer of Giles? (I love yourlibrarian very much, but let it be known she is EVIL.) So of course I said "No! Dear God, no!" ... and within 24 hours I'd signed myself up.

Thus, It Never Happened.

(And I totally wasn't going to tell my husband that I'd gotten myself into that again, but by now I have RL friends who also know me fannishly, and one of them outed me over ice cream in May, asking casually in front of my husband "How's the new ficathon story coming along?" Heh. So much for keeping my real and virtual lives separate!)

So here I am, finally ficathon free again, and ready to get back to work on the WIP ... and then I wake up to an email in which yourlibrarian casually mentions that Fall for S/X is taking sign-ups.

To which my first reaction was "No! Dear God, no!" I mean, I'm having a baby! At some point in the fall. Sometime around Halloween! Wouldn't a ficathon be a foolish idea? And besides, I really want to finish That Good Night!

Right, so, guess what I've gone and done?

I mean, how can I let Fall for S/X happen without me? I write Spike/Xander, that's what I do!

Okay, but I'm saying right now, in public: this year I will experiment with the short form. I swear to Cthulhu. I'll see what I can do in under 1000 words. Maybe a little drabble series? That could be fun! I will not neglect That Good Night again. Or the baby!

Whoops, one more thing!

2007-08-14T02:59:29Z

I also meant to pimp this link:

Did y'all know about FanworksFinder? It seems like a pretty good idea: the goal is to create a central directory (not an archive) of all the fanfic out there. Of course the first thing I checked was whether anyone had linked my stuff, and I was both amused and pleased to discover that someone had (just over a week ago) linked to my That '70s Show fic at fanfiction.net. None of my Buffyverse stuff was linked, though. Of course, all I lack is the, er, drive and ambition to do it myself. (But it's so much easier to just keep clicking on Metafandom links until my eyes fall out!)

At least if I post some links, I can close some tabs in my browser!

2007-08-14T02:50:15Z

Man, the swiftness with which I'm squandering the last few days of my vacation is truly amazing to me.

For instance, there are real life housecleaning issues which have yet to be dealt with. I was supposed to organize the filing cabinet. Hah!

I have, however, done some friends-list organizing. Er, what was that about priorities? Anyway, on LJ I've now managed to refriend everybody. Having actually looked at the journals of everyone who has me friended, I'm newly aware that a whole lot of them haven't updated in years. I still friended them back, though, in case they're actively lurking. (Not that I make many friends-locked posts, but you never know, I could start!)

Meanwhile, on Insanejournal I used electricandroid's handy instructions for friending everyone from my flist who has the same name in LJ and IJ, all in one fell swoop. Handy!

Also, I keep reading people's meta about Boldthrough. I can't seem to stop myself, even though I do keep telling myself that I need to step back, let the dust settle, and get on with my fun fannish activities and/or my actual life. Anyway, I'll just link to one essay (already linked to in several places on my flist) which really felt like it got at the heart of the matter, for me: on sex and fandom education by egelantier.

As for attempts at fannish productivity: I haven't managed to write anything, but I have at least worked a bit on the commentary track for Sock Puppet. I've now lowered the bar for myself: I'd like to at least get that posted before I go back to work on Friday. (Originally I'd hoped to actually get another chapter of That Good Night written, but it's not looking like I'm going to manage that.)